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Johnny English VS Maxwell Smart
Johnny English VS Maxwell Smart is the first episode of the second series of Darth_Mallen's Death Battle. It features Johnny English from StudioCanal's film series of the same name, and Maxwell Smart from the Get Smart franchise. Description Two not-so-super spies do battle to find out who is less incompetent! Introduction Boomstick: Spies are those secret soldiers that keep the world safe. Sadly we have these two protecting us so we're pretty much screwed. Wiz: Johnny English of MI7. Boomstick: And Maxwell Smart of CONTROL. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor and skill to find out who would win a Death Battle. Johnny English Wiz: It was a sad time for MI7. Their greatest secret agent, Agent 1, had perished and the whole agency was in mourning. The time would soon come though when a successor would be announced. Boomstick: Or it would have if Agent 1's body hadn't been replaced by explosives. Pegasus: Everything in order, English? English: You are now entering the most secure location in a whole of England. (The graveside explodes) Boomstick: That explosion killed every agent in MI7, all except one. That agent was the man who let the explosives in the first place, and also made the error that killed Agent 1....great choice. Wiz: Johnny English was a simple desk jocky and useless at his job but with no-one left, English was promoted to the top agent in the company. He was so bad at this job even signing the security papers ended in an injury. Boomstick: Regardless he was assigned to protect the Crown Jewels....heheh! Wiz: In the Tower of London he officially failed at his job and the jewels were stolen by a prison mogul who wanted to use the jewels and an impostor Bishop to crown himself king of England and turn the country into a giant prison....it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Boomstick: Johnny sound totally incapable of performing his job, because he is, but he's not completely helpless. He's a pretty good martial artist, even managing to fight himself once, carries two rings containing truth serum and a drug which makes his enemies go limp, he drives a gorgeous Rolls Royce Phantom with countless accessories for blowing shit up, and has massive amounts of survival experience and unique ways of getting out of problems... Wiz: Like singing in E flat to give him echolocation, or whistling at a certain pitch to open locked doors. They don't really work well but he likes to think they do. He's also a decent enough shot but he's got to get his gun to work first. English: Observe, Bough, the dull incompetence of the criminal mind. It can never hope to match our level of technical expertise. (The ammo clip falls out of his gun) Wiz: Despite his immediate and obvious failings he managed to save his country from the would-be King and was officially knighted. However, after a failed mission afterwards he exiled himself to Tibet to learn additional martial arts. He was called back to service to stop the assassination of the Chinese Premier by a group called Vortex. He succeeded in his mission, discovering moles within MI7 and has his knighthood reissued. Boomstick: This clumsy secret agent may be useless in a lot of areas but he is dedicated to his cause and completely focused on his task, even if his ego gets in the way sometimes. Pegasus: We can't afford any mistakes. Not tonight. English: The word "mistake" sir, is not one that appears in my dictionary. Maxwell Smart Boomstick: CONTROL is the organisation that keeps the world save from the evil clutches of CHAOS, and of all those agents in that great organisation, one stands out above the rest. Agent 23, aka: The Rock! Wiz: But today we're looking at his buddy, Maxwell Smart. An analyst at CONTROL who dreams of becoming a full fledged agent. Boomstick: Well, I'm horribly disappointed. Wiz: Don't be. Officially Max already passed the tests to become an agent, but because he was the top man at his current position he was declined the promotion. Boomstick: That is until CHAOS infiltrated the organisation and stole the identities of every one of their agents, forcing them underground. Only two were left: The smoking hot Agent 99 who had plastic surgery to turn her into Anne Hathaway, and Max, the newly dubbed Agent 86. Wiz: Max's long awaited moment had come. His mission was to stop CONTROL and it's leader Siegfried. It....didn't go to plan. In Moscow, Max walked right into a trap and had to be busted out by Agent 99. Boomstick: Being the naturally inexperienced agent, he often tries to do everything strictly by the book and when he gets the chance, the heroic way, neither of which work for him. Wiz: He spent his career idolizing 23 and 99 and he wanted to be just like them, but he discovered there's more to learn out on the field... Boomstick: Like not to suck a blowdart! Wiz: He's not completely helpless though. Aside from his swiss-army knife containing a variety of gadgets, he's skilled in the Korean martial art, Hwa Rang Do, or "The Way of the Flowering Knight", and is great at thinking on the spot and improvisation in dire situations, not that they work all the time. Smart: It seems you've underestimated me and the element of SURPRI....(throws a phone receiver but the cord pulls it right back, Smart instead kicks the table into his captor) Wiz: He's a sharp shot, an expert at deduction and is granted incredible good luck, missing trains, finding nuclear bombs and avoiding killing his boss with a giant swordfish. Boomstick: Despite his achievements, Max is careless and sometimes egotistical. He has no idea how half his gadgets work, is easily disarmed and is sometimes careless in making decisions. But he's saved the city of LA and the president from a music-powered nuke, winning him the girl, a dog and the respect of his colleagues at CONTROL. He even got a kiss from the Rock....weird. (During a fight on top of a train, Smart pulls 23 in for a kiss, 23 pulls back in confusion before Smart hits him with a briefcase) DEATH BATTLE! CONTROL headquarters entrance. Maxwell Smart is walking through the many security doors, stopping at the final one which appears to be stuck. Smart pulls out his Swiss army knife and tried to fix it, while hearing a whistling at the other side. The door suddenly opens and Johnny English is on the other side. English: It worked! Smart: Who are you? English: Johnny English, British secret service. Smart: Anyone knowing the location of our secret base has to be removed. English: You can try, but you won't succeed. Smart and English take fighting stances. FIGHT! English gets a shot on Smart's face. Smart: I was not ready! English: Try and be quicker in the future A spot of blood appears on Smart's cheek. Smart: What did you do? English: I have injected you with a muscle relaxant. You'll be limp within seconds. Smart: Umm...I feel fine. English: Oh bugger, wrong ring. The two spies battle in their two martial arts. Smart is able to gain the upper hand and knock English back. Smart prepares his crossbow attachment on his knife and aims it at English. English managed to shut one of the doors in time and the dart bounces back and hits Smart in the nose. Smart removes the dart and pulls out his gun. English also has his gun at the ready and the fire fight begins. The two take turns hiding behind crates, taking shots and closing doors to avoid bullets. English is hit in the shoulder and Smart closes in for the kill. English is quick back on his feet and disarms Smart, restarting the fist fight. Smart pulls out his knife and catches English in the leg. Smart prepares his blow dart as English is recovering. However, English is quicker to get up and catches Smart with his other ring just as Smart fires a dart into English. English falls down limp and Smart stumbles a while before dropping. English is the first to get up slowly, while Smart is attempting to stand but falls under the effects of the muscle relaxant. English stands over Smart pointing his gun at him. English: You Americans, such poor training and lack of weapon innovation. English pulls the trigger, although realizes there is no trigger. English just sighs as his gun falls to pieces. Smart gains enough muscle control to kick English in his leg wound which brings him down, Smart recovers his pistol, mounts English and fires point blank into his forehead. K.O. Smart starts to walk out of the building, staggering, still under some effect of the relaxant. Conclusion Boomstick: Yeah! USA! USA! Wiz: Johnny English might be the higher ranking agent and have a better knowledge of hand-to-hand combat, Maxwell Smart is the much more experienced agent and the better marksman. Boomstick: English was only given his rank in MI7 out of sheer convenience, whereas Smart earned his rank the proper way several times over. Wiz: That coupled with Smart's resistance to narcotics, improvisation skills and easy to access gadgets won this bout. Boomstick: Johnny just couldn't get enough stiff shots in. Wiz: The winner is Maxwell Smart Next time on Death Battle Water....Earth....Fire....Air Avatar Elemental Battle Royale!Category:Darth Mallen Category:'Gun Fights' Themed Death Battles Category:'Spy/Stealth' Themed Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Hero' Themed Death Battle Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2016